February 2004 was a dark and depressing month for me.
Following a fourteen month honeymoon period of arriving, settling and exploring
London, the enormity of my decision to come to the United Kingdom overwhelmed
me. This was real and permanent.
Having arrived in the United Kingdom in July 2002, alone
with two young sons, three suitcases and three trunks of goods arriving six
weeks later by sea, I’d experienced mountain top encounters of God’s extreme provision
and faithfulness.
Practical intervention on work, housing, schooling, money and
indeed church fellowship entrenched my understanding of “God goes ahead and
prepares the way”. Knowing divine and providential guidance in every aspect of
our lives in those first 18 months could fill an epic worthy of War and Peace.
I accepted the invitation to my private pity party
Loneliness and fear encases the soul like a vice; if
entertained it creates a toxic and destructive pity party. Missing South
Africa, friends, family, support structures and day to day common nuances of
life led to me imploding on myself.
Wailing like a baby with gripe and with
no-one else to talk to other than Father God, late at night and on my knees, I
whimpered my distress and despair. At the end of my ‘bleeding out’, in a rather
pathetic and shallow way I told the Father all I really wanted was someone to
love me, someone who’d cherish me and shower me with roses and chocolates.
God's heart for the detail
The following day, taking a walk during lunchtime (and still
muttering to myself) a homeless man approached me. I lowered my eyes so as not
to make contact and tried to step out of his way. To my horror he headed straight
towards me with purpose and intent. He pushed into my hands the most beautiful
perfect long stemmed red roses wrapped in cellophane and tied with ribbon. Claiming
he’d found them thrown away in a dustbin he stated he knew he had to give them
to me. Speechless, chocked and welling up with tears I stood there like a
statue as he walked away.
The story continues. Checking out and paying for a small grocery
shop at a local store the attendant on the till reached over and handed me a
box of valentine type chocolates. He said someone had left them and felt he
should give them to me. #Speechless
I’ve not looked back
Oh there have been times of stress, dark days and ups and
downs of life but that day I fully understood what Ephesians 3 (14 to 21)
means; “For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from
whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His
Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all
the saints what is the width and length and depth and height to know the love
of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness
of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above
all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be
glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Need I say more?